


Nightmare

by moonyy



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Dreams and Nightmares, Established Relationship, Fluff and Hurt/Comfort, Gen, Hogwarts Sixth Year, M/M, Marauders' Era, Poor Remus, Sleepy Boys, Sleepy Cuddles, wolfstar
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-24
Updated: 2017-07-24
Packaged: 2018-12-06 11:28:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,990
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11599710
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/moonyy/pseuds/moonyy
Summary: Remus has another nightmare. No matter how hard he tries to escape, he will always be a monster at heart.Set in late sixth year/early seventh year at Hogwarts.





	Nightmare

_Monster. Get away from me._

  
_Sirius was scrambling, falling, slipping across the floor. Crawling away from him. His grey eyes, normally bright storms brewing with mischief, had faded to a dull steel polluted with fear. His gaze fell just short of Remus’ chest, terror straining at the edge of his lips, tainted with spoilt hatred._

  
_Padfoot._

  
_Remus tried to speak but no words would come out. His tongue was trapped against the roof of his mouth and his voice failed him. He tried to reach out desperately in an effort to help his friend- to reassure him that it was only him, only Remus- but his body was rooted to the spot. He couldn’t get his muscles to respond to his pleas. Instead, he felt the edges of his mouth curve upwards into a wicked, feral smile. Involuntarily, he outstretched his hands towards his friend in a menacing gesture, advancing threateningly upon his quivering form. No, they weren’t hands, they were claws. Violent, curled claws connected to unnatural limbs unravelled in dark fur, matted and stained a burnt red._

  
_No. **No**. _

  
_Desperately, he begged himself- this creature, this beast- to stop, but it was a hopeless battle. He was helpless to do anything but watch, trapped in this body, as the dream moved forwards. He screamed but nothing happened; it was as though he was possessed. Sirius had retreated to a corner of their dormitory near one of the windows, hugging his knees to his chest like a small frightened child. It was pathetic, really. His advance was merciless, animalistic. His wolf senses kicked in and he focused on his surroundings._

  
_The dormitory hung in the precipice of a black abyss. It shimmered every now and then, leaving Remus falling through nothing but darkness before his feet hit the familiar wooden floor again and again. If anything, he preferred the darkness and the falling. Whenever the dream flickered back to life, he was faced with a room- his home- bathed in the blood of his friends. Peter’s eyes were cold and blank. James’ chest had been brutally ripped open. Lily was slumped over, her long red hair dangling into a sticky puddle growing bigger and bigger on Remus’ own bed._  
_He couldn’t breathe. He wasn’t capable of this, was he? They were his friends, he loved them, he wasn’t a monster. He wasn’t. It wasn’t him._  
_Yet, the wolf still had that wild, dangerous smile on it’s lips, finding a sickening allure to the chaos of destruction._

  
_Sirius threw his arms over his head, his eyes peeping through his fingers to stare at him in horror._

  
_Monster._

 

~

 

Gasping, choking, Remus was pulled violently into the waking world. He spluttered on his myriad of thoughts, shaking off the grasp of the wolf, dragging himself up vertically in hopes to control his breathing better. A haunting, cold sweat had cemented the t-shirt he was wearing to the skin of his back. It was Sirius’ t-shirt, he noted, pleasantly surprised at this gentle comfort. He’d ‘borrowed' it, citing the reason was because he didn’t have anything else to sleep in but his boyfriend knew the real reason. Remus was grateful for the slightly baggy fit, the loose thread at the hem of the left sleeve and the muggle band logo ‘Led Zepplin’. And, of course, the faded smell of Sirius- cigarette smoke and expensive aftershave and smuggled firewhiskey- anchoring him, stopping him from drifting away into the clutches of the wolf.

  
Calming down, he hurriedly glanced down and thoroughly checked his body just in case. He did this after every nightmare. Just in case. He had to be certain that he hadn't hurt anyone.

  
No fur. No blood. Just pale skin marked with scrapes and scars, the tell tale signs of his lycanthropy.

  
Cautiously, he ventured from the capture of his covers and padded softly across the dormitory. The pale moonlight trickled through the windows. They were old castle windows formed from many diamond shaped pieces of glass that had been stuck together, as opposed to a single sheet. One of the diamonds was missing, an ‘accident’ from their second year, and a cold nightly breeze filled the room, chilling Remus to the bone. Shivering, he focused his attention on his sleeping friends to check they were still alive.

  
Peter's vital signs were obvious. Remus could hear his familiar snores from where he was stood in the middle of the dormitory. A frequent cause of annoyance, but for once he was glad to hear the sounds that brought relief to his ears.

  
Sirius was sprawled across his bed on his stomach, the sheets pulled down to the foot of the bed, and he was only wearing a low-riding pair of boxers. Small, howling wolves patterned the underwear and Remus grimaced. It had been a joke at the time, even he’d found it funny, but now the wolves seemed rather distasteful. His eyes lingered on Sirius for a while, the boy’s muscular back growing taut as he tossed over in his sleep. Remus could feel a pink blush starting to creep across his cheeks and he flicked his eyes away quickly, a lump caught in his throat. Thankfully, Sirius hadn't slept naked since fourth year. There had been too many awkward encounters so, naturally, James had taken it upon himself to discuss matters with Sirius himself, stating he couldn’t take it anymore. Sirius had no shame.

  
Finally, Remus turned to Prongs’ bed. James was lying on his back under the scarlet covers, mouth hanging open slightly.  
“James?” Remus whispered, suddenly frightened. Was he breathing? Was he okay? Had he attacked him without knowing it? Frantically, Remus shook the young sleeping wizard lightly, provoking a grumbled response that sounded like ‘I love you too Evans’, before he rolled over with a snort, continuing to dream about a certain Gryffindor with red hair. Remus rolled his eyes. At least someone was having a good dream.

  
There. Everyone was alive and well and his dream had turned out to be nothing more than just a nightmare. Yet, a nagging thought at the back of his head reminded him that it could just as easily of happened. He was a werewolf, a monster, and there was no disguising himself from the fact. The older he became, the stronger he became, the more powerful the wolf would become. He was a danger and a liability and he wouldn’t let anyone close to him get hurt. He’d rather let himself get ripped apart. Still quivering from the aftermath of the dream, yet lightly blanketed with the satisfaction that his friends were safe, Remus made his way back to his bed, trying to avoid the creaking floorboards in the dim moonlight. Usually if he had a nightmare, he’d slip into Sirius’ bed and be comforted by the other boy, but he couldn’t face it tonight. He felt guilty. Those beautiful grey eyes, so terror-stricken in his mind, haunted him and he couldn’t wash the image away if he tried.

  
“Moony?”

  
Remus hesitated at the edge of Sirius’ bed, his eyes straying to the boy looking back at him, his face painted with loving worry. The voice was rough with the edges dipped in sleep, but the tone gentle and sweet. Sirius was sat up, the crimson blankets around his feet. Only one of his eyes was open, squinting, blinded by the hazy light streaming across the room. His dark hair, usually falling past his shoulders in midnight waves, was tied back in a modestly low ponytail. He blinked, rubbing his eye with a small yawn.

  
“Sirius, I’m fine,” Remus whispered back. It was a lie but he didn’t want to disturb his boyfriend; he didn’t want to look into his eyes and see the fear, hatred at who he was inside. “Go back to sleep.”

  
“You had a bad dream didn’t you?” Sirius coaxed, softly, his head tilted to one side.

  
Remus didn’t respond, chewing the inside of his cheek instead. He twisted a tassel of his flannel pyjama bottoms around his finger as a distraction. Sirius decided to take his silence as a yes.

  
“C'mere, Moons, you need cuddles,” Sirius smiled sleepily, encouragingly, holding his arms wide open for Remus to jump into his embrace, “I got you.”

  
But Remus shook his head, flashes of memories and pain searing across his vision. He couldn’t. Not tonight.

  
“It was bad, Padfoot,” his voice cracked and he could feel tears, like honey, seeping down his cheeks in shameful silence, “Really bad.”

  
“Oh, Remus.” Sirius’ voice was so soft and warm it caused Remus to stumble, his eyes blurring from tears that wouldn’t stop. He was never this outwardly emotionally, especially not in front of other people, although he supposed Sirius wasn’t just another person. In seconds he found himself surrounded by the boy he loved, his face pressed into Sirius' warm chest and strong arms holding him steady, guiding him into the bed. Remus breathed in, forcefully, inhaling the comforting smell of Sirius; firewhiskey and wet dog, pine trees and musky aftershave melted away his troubled thoughts and calmed his senses.

  
They were lying together. Sirius on his back, Remus’ head on his chest, his arms wrapped around them protectively. Sirius had pulled the covers up half way, their torsos bare to the night.

  
Minutes of silence passed by, punctuated only by Peter's gentle snores, a wistful sigh of ‘Evans’, and the steady thumping beat of Sirius’ heart.

  
“You want to talk about it?” Sirius’ words were casual enough, yet his voice was etched in concern.

  
Remus shook his head once again in response, his lips sealed firmly shut. Sirius’ arms wrapped instinctively tighter around him. He always asked the same question and Remus always gave the same answer. It was an old tradition, but it meant a lot even if the outcome was always the same.

  
“Well, at least you didn’t dream about Prongs giving McGonagall a lap dance.”

  
Remus’ lips curled upwards and he pulled away from Sirius’ chest, trying away his tears on his shirt. “Is that really what you dream about?”

  
“I’m all weirded out now, I don’t think I’ll be able to look at the old cat again,” Sirius shuddered.

  
“You’re lying,” Remus accused playfully, shoving Sirius lightly in the chest.

  
“I’m wounded,” Sirius gasped, hand on his heart, “It was a true dream, I’m serious.”

  
“Well, that’s true,” Remus smiled wryly, “You are Sirius.”

  
“My, my, the pun has finally rubbed off on you. I never thought I’d see the day.”

  
“Shut up, Pads.”

  
The two boys held each other in their arms for several moments, enthralled in a comfortable silence that didn’t have to be filled by meaningless words. Remus felt safe again. He felt at home.

  
“Whatever you dreamed about, Remus, none of it’s true. I promise you that. Me and you are right here, together and safe, and I’m never going to leave you. We’re all here- James and Peter too- ‘cause us marauders stick together until the end,” Sirius bit his lip, his thumbs rubbing soft circles into the shoulders of the wizard cradled in his arms. He couldn’t see Remus' face, as it was hidden against his chest, only a mop of light honey-coloured hair. “And I know you think of yourself as a monster, I know you’re scared of yourself, but I’m not, Remus. And neither should you. I- I think you’re amazing. You’re the best person I know, far better than me.”

  
But Remus had already fallen asleep. He was snoring softly (Peter wasn’t the only one who caused twinges of annoyance across the dormitory), his eyes closed and with those long lashes Sirius could have easily mistaken him for an angel. His expression was so peaceful, Sirius hoped he was having happy thoughts. He deserved it. He smiled at his boyfriend, placing a gentle kiss to Remus’ forehead before pulling the covers around their shoulders.

  
“Sweet dreams, Moony.”


End file.
